Excerpts from Facebook Chat

this is why i work...i can get as sloppy as i want to as long as i make it to work the next day

Amen to that

I can't wait to be a paid alcoholic

Hopefully a well-paid alcoholic

I didn't put in this sober time in grad school to be poorly paid

i dont think ive reached that level of wino yet

No, but you could if you wanted to

very true

and we do have a fridge at work so i could totally sneak in thermos wine

Sometimes it's not about actually doing something, but about having the freedom to do it

Totally

Be brazen. Drink it from a cup, and if any ones asks, look them boldly in the eye and say you have to drink cranberry juice for your UTI

exactly

any my creative processes will be way more unique

Absolutely

And you can scare away unwanted conversation by commenting on any discomfort caused by your"UTI"

You'll probably be MORE productive

i am drinking for home depot

Sure are

And because you can't possibly drive home, you'll probably have to arrange a "carpool" (alcoholic speak for "DD").

You're helping the environment too.

a friends of the animals

ummm...friend of the animals

i need to pour smaller glasses

Naw, keep going.

It's for the good of American business and the rainforest.

Also using less gasoline, so you're fighting the terrorists too.

haha

damn mexicans

For all we know, you were on Seal Team Six.

Maybe it was you who crashed that helicopter. Cuz, you know, you were a little hammered after knocking back a bottle of chianti.

referring to mexicans was way funnier in my head than on chat fyi

Yeah, I don't have any wine-related Mexican jokes.

But maybe your improved creativity will help you come up with something.

it was meant to be a social commentary

Ah.

It was over my head.

But then again, I'm sober and therefor on a lower plain of understanding.

exactly

this is why i need to drink at work

i need to go take a shower now though

Wash away that wine smell